Sexuality is a complex and deeply personal aspect of human nature. What ignites our passion and stokes the fires of desire varies from person to person. Understanding what turns you on is not only important for a fulfilling sex life but also for overall well-being and self-acceptance. In a world often shrouded in sexual taboos and misconceptions, it’s crucial to explore and embrace your own desires. Here’s a guide on how to work out exactly what turns you on.

The first step is to embark on a journey of self-exploration. This involves setting aside time for introspection and being open to examining your feelings and reactions. There’s no need to rush this process; it’s a continuous journey of discovery. Begin by asking yourself questions. What are your fantasies? What types of touch, sensations, or situations arouse you? Reflect on past experiences that left you feeling fulfilled and those that left you unsatisfied. Identifying patterns in your desires can provide valuable insights.


If you’re in a relationship or have a friend with benefits, open and honest communication is crucial. This can lead to a deeper level of intimacy and satisfaction. It can also help bridge the gap between what you think you desire and what actually arouses you. Create a safe space for these conversations. Be non-judgmental and encourage your partner to do the same. Remember that their desires may be different from yours, and that’s perfectly okay. The goal is to find common ground and explore your desires together.


Exploring your sexual desires often involves trying new things. This experimentation can take various forms, from trying different sexual positions to exploring various fantasies or kinks. The key is to approach these experiences without judgment, both of yourself and your partner. It’s essential to communicate boundaries and consent clearly during experimentation. You should never feel pressured into trying something you’re uncomfortable with. On the flip side, if you’re intrigued by a new experience, express your curiosity to your partner and embark on the journey together.

Embrace your unique nature

It’s important to recognize that everyone’s sexual desires are unique. What turns one person on may not have the same effect on another. Embrace your individuality and avoid comparing your desires to societal norms or media representations. Your sexual desires are valid and deserve respect, both from yourself and your partner. Remember, discovering your turn-ons is an ongoing process. It’s not something that happens overnight, and it can evolve and change over time.

Working out what turns you on is a deeply personal journey that requires a lot of self-discovery. Embrace this journey with an open heart and an open mind, and remember that it’s okay to be exactly who you are. By doing so, you can cultivate a richer, more satisfying, and more authentic sex life.