Ask Kate: His parents hate me
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years, I love him and our relationship is great, apart from one problem. His parents hate me. He tells me they just don’t think anyone is good enough for him and not to worry but they are constantly making rude comments to me and about me and he does nothing about it. What should I do?
Dear Infuriating Inlaws,
Ah, the in-laws, are always such hard people to navigate. Love can be a beautiful, transcendent force that knows no boundaries. It can also be a complex, tumultuous journey, especially when the parents of your partner aren’t exactly your biggest fans. This is a situation many people find themselves in, often wondering what to do when the parents of their long-term boyfriend or girlfriend seem to hate them and make rude comments. It’s a challenging and emotionally charged scenario, but it’s essential to remember that love can conquer even the most formidable obstacles. If the parents of your boyfriend hate you and make rude comments about you, it’s important to first try to understand why they feel this way. There are a few possible reasons why they might dislike you:
- They may not approve of your background or upbringing.
- They may not like your personality or values.
- They may be worried that you’re not good enough for their son.
- They may be jealous of your relationship with their son.
For a 4-year relationship, you could have deciphered the main causes among the ones I’ve listed. Once you have a better understanding of why they dislike you, you can start to figure out how to deal with the situation. Here are a few things you can do.
Talk to your boyfriend about it: The first step is to talk to your boyfriend about how you’re feeling. Let him know that their comments are hurtful and that you don’t appreciate them. Ask him to talk to his parents about their behavior and to ask them to be more respectful of you. You might have a thought of him refusing to comment but there is no harm in talking it out with him.
Try to build a relationship with them: If you can, try to get to know the parents of your boyfriend better. Spend time with them, get to know their interests, and try to find common ground. This doesn’t mean that you have to become best friends, but it will help them to see you in a different light.
Set boundaries: If the parents of your boyfriend continue to make rude comments about you, it’s important to set boundaries. Let them know that you won’t tolerate their behavior and that you will end the conversation if they continue. Furthermore, do not let them dictate your relationship. If you’re still happy with your boyfriend, then don’t let their opinions get in the way.
Give it time: Time can be a powerful agent of change. Sometimes, parents’ initial disapproval can soften over the years as they see your commitment and love for their child. Continue to be patient and maintain your positive attitude. If your relationship is meant to be, there’s a chance that, with time, their perceptions may evolve.
In conclusion, in the face of disapproving parents, the key is to stay resilient and focused on your relationship. Love, when nurtured with patience and understanding, can endure even the harshest external pressures. It’s important to remember that you can’t control how the parents of your boyfriend feel about you. However, you can control how you react to their behavior. Ultimately, it’s your partner who must navigate the delicate balance between their family and their chosen love. Your role is to support them, maintain your self-respect, and remain true to the love you share. I really hope this advice has helped you out.