When Friends Become Lovers; Caution: No U-Turns Ahead!
For me, he and I had a wonderful friendship. We would go for drives together, party and share good times, and when it came to conversation nothing was too deep or too ridiculous to talk about. Friendships can be work at times, but overall this friendship was pretty effortless.
When I started dating someone new, things started to change. The laughs were few and far between and attention was drawn to any and every little flaw the guy I was dating seemed to have. Although at first I thought maybe he was just upset because I wasn’t spending as much time with him anymore, one awkward and unusually nervous conversation quickly explained otherwise. He wanted more than friendship, he wanted me.
Why hadn’t I considered this as an option before? Or maybe I already had and I just didn’t realise it. Is it so crazy to think that two people who get along together so fabulously as friends couldn’t make a relationship work?
When dating someone new, there are essentially two ways it will go down, it won’t work and you are likely never to see the person again, or it will work and your lifelong adventure begins. But how does that fit in if you decide to take the plunge and date a friend? Is it even realistic to think if things don’t work out you can just go back to where you were before?
With so much to gain but potentially so much to lose, here are some things to consider when you’re a Friend on a train to Loverville…
• Can you imagine being intimate with this person? One the main reasons that draws a line between a friend and a lover is sexual chemistry. You might have all the fun in the world, but does the thought of kissing this person give your tummy butterflies or cramps?
• Is it worth the risk? Weight it up because chances are things will never quite be the same again. I think if you took some time to really think about your future, taking into consideration what you already know about your friend, you will get an idea if this is something that could really work. You know yourself, you know you might love this person on some level, but all else aside, would you be happy to stop dating and let him be the one?
• Accept that people (including you) act differently and hold different expectations of a partner when in a relationship as compared to a friendship.
• You probably already know so much (and sometimes too much) about your friends past relationships. You might have shared intimate details about ex’s that maybe you wouldn’t be quite so eager to share with a partner. Consider if you can move past what you learnt as his/her friend and move forward to create new memories as his/her partner.
• Be positive about your future, but maybe discuss some realistic options if things don’t work out, so that mutual friends don’t have to pick and choose who sticks up for whom in an argument or if the relationship ended.